2003-09-10 - 12:29 a.m.
I have been sitting by the bed (well, makeshift bed that is. My mattress on the floor.) eating Funyuns and beef jerky THINKING about how productive I want to be.
I went out last night for just a few moments after a very fulfilling appointment and saw Murphy at the Bourbon Pub. I went just to see him since I know I do not spend enough time with him and wanted to show I really did care, but not enough to stay out with him.
I saw an old friend Andy and a few friends of Murphy's.
One guy, Justin threw some attitude when I introduced myself to him like, "We met before." I was a bit appalled at the attitude yet a bit embarrassed that I did not remember. I am VERY bad with names. I am lucky I can remember my own. He was cute and he said I met with a friend Lewis.
Then I went downstairs and was talking to Skye and he introduced me to a few other people and one of them, who was really cute, said, "Brandon - like PartyWithBrandon?" That made me feel good. Andy calls me "dot com" sometimes. *eats another Funyun* His name was Jay, he had this cute goatee thing going on. He said, keep up with your diary. We like reading it. This part is for you then because I appreciate it. I want to call him Agent J. I don't know why?
Andy and I had a "fling" before when I lived on Magazine Street. To each their own right?
As far as entertainment goes, I value drag queens. But I like boys that are boys, that is why I am gay. Masculinity turns me on. H-E-L-L-O, I am nelly enough for both of us. (wink)
Lee, (my New Orleans escort friend) my friend from high school, Heather and I all went to the former Jazzland, now Six Flags New Orleans, a few days ago. I wanted to write in the diary that day, but I get so behind and catching up scares me. (all you who are trying to "figure me out" let me know how you read that one.
Funyuns are salty. Paired with the beef Jerky, I am in desperate need of some iced tea and entirely too lazy to get up. ARGH!
Anyway, Jazzland was cool. My dad joined us too after he got out of church and I was glad to have him with us.
Lee and I went on this SkyCoaster ride. It was extra after you paid the admission but it was worth it. You get harnessed up and they take you WAY up on this rope and I mean WAY up! And then you pull the rip cord and it lets you go like you are swinging or flying or whatever. I am glad Lee pulled the rip cord because if I had to we would have been up there for awhile. It was quite the thrill. And completely legal at that. Imagine that.
There were lots of cute boys at the park. I know it is theme park but some of those boys could have been a attraction all of their own. You must be this tall to ride. (hehehehehe...)
My parents bought me a season pass and I finally got to use it at the close of the season. If I use it once more, it will have paid for itself.
I want to come back for FrightFest in October. Two years ago, Chad and I went. If I remember correctly, we were both coming off a pill, so our moods were off kilter and I remember we were in line for the haunted forest and he started crying. Things remembered.
I had a good time on the roller coasters but the park is in New Orleans East and the crowd was ghetto. I felt out of place.
After a day of thrill and excitement, it brought me just as much excitement to lay under my own down comforter on my mattress on the floor.
I am excited about my trip to Atlanta Friday to film again with VidkidTImo (www.VidkidTimo.com) and Scott Bradley. I think Scott is hot.
I also am looking forward to seeing the guy who always helps me with my ad in Eclipse magazine. Their office in in Atlanta and he has always been so nice to me. I would have wanted to knock me out half the time, but he makes me feel special. I am looking forward to meeting him.
Also the guy from www.Guys4Rent.com and www.Men4MenEscortReview.com and I will meet. He has treated me very special and when I was Escort of the Week, I got to talk to him and do an interview so I want to put a face with the voice. He is very smart and besides going out to party in Hotlanta, I think I will get to talk with him about some cool ventures on the Brandon horizon.
More as it happens. Right!? If I keep up at this rate, we are in trouble.
I have a friend who is moving into my apartment in New Orleans to finish out my lease.
I think I have given up on things working out the way I plan them to and just feeling confident they will work out how THEY want to. If I just roll with the punches instead of trying to figure them out, it seems to work better right now. I am glad he is moving in. I just have to get the small amount of stuff I moved in the apartment while I was back in New Orleans back out.
I go back and forth to the storage unit almost every day for stuff. I have to put the mattress back, the monitor and a few other little things.
I think my brother is coming Thursday to help me move it. He does not know he will be helping me move yet, but he will. (wink) He is butch. That is what butch boys are for right!?
I am going to be sad that I have to be without the desktop now that I have had it for a bit. The laptop is convienient but harder to type on and slower. My laptop is from 1942 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
I have had some cool appointments. I like being in New Orleans because I get quality calls and people I feel comfortable with and get excited about.
In Las Vegas is is harder to secure and I am in unfamiliar territory. Well, I was here at one time too. It will all work out.
My plan now is to go to Atlanta on Friday. I have a return trip planned for the 16th so I MAY come back to New Orleans and then fly to Las Vegas a few days after I get back to New Orleans. Or what I am thinking is to miss the 16th flight. (I am FAMOUS for missing flights, intentionally and unintentionally.)
Then I can just hang out in Atlanta for a bit and head to Michigan right from Atlanta.
I have to get to Michigan before the end of the month. My Grandpa (dad's dad) is ill and I want to see him and spend some time with him. I am mixed on the trip as a whole though. My parents made me feel guilty for not going since they just did and my brother did too. Now I am the hypocrite. Nothing new though, huh?
I have a very supportive family. But because they all live in Michigan and we live in Louisiana, I feel emotionally distanced as well. Plus my mom has some history behind her about not getting along at all time and being difficult to deal with so sometimes feel like my family just puts up with me rather then enjoys the time. I completely understand that is the way life is. You can not PICK your family. But I am lucky to have such a good one. They all think I am just a bum anyway since they do not know what I really do. They think I just don't work and have more issues then Time magazine.
So Atlanta, Michigan then back to Las Vegas. In what order and what dates, I do not know.
When I get back to Vegas, I can't wait to put my webcam back online! YEA! I love that thing! I have a link on the site now, but it is suspended because I did not have my webcam. Yea for webcams!
I have so many stories that I want to share but I don't want to bore you, so I will just pick a few.
There are so many things that make me stand by what I always say that reality is better than fiction these days...
You know I hate to jack myself off, I try to keep in mind that my sexual energy should be at best when I am with clients. I always feel so guilty afterwards but I get caught up in the moment and can't help myself. The other day I woke up and was just so hard, it was insane! I played with it a bit and then it was so hard and it just felt so good, I reached over in my purse, grabbed the new lube and ahhhhh.... it felt better! I stroked it and then remembered I had the handcuffs in my bag too. I put the handcuffs around my cock like a cockring and the cold metal felt so good, precum was dripping down my lubed up shaft like a leaky faucet. I slipped on a pair of white briefs and part by part ripped them. I love ripped clothing. I wanted to try and prolong this good feeling without cumming so I put on some clothes, left the cuffs on my balls and went to go run quick errand to Walgreen's.
I got my orange juice, milk, a bowl for Monopoly coral I bought and got a Red Bull for later. I liked knowing I was in public with the ripped briefs and metal cuffs under my outward appearance.
I got back to the empty cracked out apartment and dropped the shorts, took the shirt off and stroked it off to a hot and far-shooting climax that felt so good. *whew*
If someone analyzed my trash they would think I was a sick bitch.
Now this story is from one of my appointments.
After reading this, I can totally understand where you would think this could be demeaning, but it is far from that, the situation did not work out as planned, but I think I got more hotness from it the way it did.
I have a client that I think tried to pull a fast one on me, not that it makes me frustrated at all, in fact, I might be wrong, but it added to the experience.
I had a regular client call and want to do a threesome and he asked if he could bring the second. Usually I can arrange for the second to be an experienced person I get along with and know I can provide a good time with.
I manage experiences for a living. I managed people when I worked at the hotel. I found my strength to be in managing experiences rather than people.
Anyway, he said it was a friend and that he was hot and the client just wanted watch him fuck me. COOL.
He got here and the guy was indeed hot, very masculine, looked like he belonged at the Corner Pocket (a hustler bar errr... excuse me dance bar here in New Orleans) I mean he even had a yellow club wristband on still. By the time I had turned around to shut off the lights in the apartment, they boy had his pants down and said, "Why don't you suck it?" Hot! I think there was something about having a hustler fuck me and him watch that was hot.
After a few minutes we moved to the bed and he went to fuck me. Although it proved to be a challenge because he could not get hard enough. I think he was high on coke, not that I would know what coke does or anything (been there - over it) but I can almost be 100% sure. So after a few tries and no avail they decided to go.
The client had asked me not to mention money because he did not want his friend to know I was getting paid.
(I am compensated for my time so even if they wanted to come over and cook, the TIME is what I was paid for.) Legal disclaimer. I stick to it. Really.
I think he did not want me to mention money because I was more expensive than him. Is that too presumptuous? Forgive me if so, but I am not a novice at this. I think it was hot though. It was making me feel sexual just thinking I knew the situation. Strange.
Wait there's more. A few minutes later, my phone rang and it was the client calling again, he asked if he could bring another friend. I was like sure, let's try it again. I was hot and bothered anyway.
He came back with a black guy, that is strange for me. I do not get too many of those guys. Same story, different guy. He could not get hard enough. Coked up bastards. I think so because as the client went to wash his hands, I looked at the first guy and made a sniffing motion and he asked if I knew where he could get any of that stuff. I said, "Nope." Not anymore.
Like I said it was kinda hot, kinda funny, all interesting.
A quick word on drugs. (this entry seems full of them...) (that is because I am back in New Orleans)
I have a theory.
If I worked as a plumber, people would ask me plumbing questions.
If I was a lawyer, people would ask me law questions.
You know as well as I do that in my profession (porn and escorting) things just "go along with the territory." I think drugs are one of them. They are all around me, being gay and into the clubs and circuit events are not enough.
Porn and my career choice are just that, my choice. I will not lie or try to hide something.. I did learn that only gets you in trouble.
I enjoy life and enjoy it responsibility.
Moderation and responsibility are the keys that everyone can see on my keying.
Besides, you get the whole package with me. I want to be open and honest in my relation to you. I want you to know you can see what the real life of a porn star, escort and whatever else I try to be is like.
I try to be different than most porn stars and try not to fall into a category with general escorts, but sometimes I do.
If I said I did not do those things and then you saw me out and fucked up, you would think I was a liar. That I am not. A mess. That I am. (wink)
Since I am like 4 or 5 days behind, a few days (I dunno which day it was) (Days come and go, since I do not have a 9-5 job where time in and time out matters, time has lost some value to me) I indulged. T
This is part of the reason I left New Orleans, I love the city, I love my friends, but have to check myself and make sure I am being "good". I get wrapped up in the party atmosphere.
I got kind of silly and after Murphy went back to his dorm I was in the apartment by myself.
I started seeing things. It was not like I thought I was scared like enough to panic, but enough to doubt myself.
I thought there was a guy in a bag sleeping in the bed with me. ??? Not like a sleeping bag, like a plastic bag. ??? I did not want to roll over because I did not want to wake him. I wanted to kiss him.
Then there was these little dwarves in my closet, but it was closed, so they kept peeking through the hinged side. Like crawling on top of each other. Silly.
Then there was this round, fat guy in a pink dress in my hallway they kept motioning for me come over but would not show me his entire body, just like the part that keep peeking out of the hallway. I dunno.
It was the calmest I have ever been scared.
My subconscious revealed.
Now I know some of you say, why is he admitting this tuff in writing in writing. I do not have anything to hide, I enjoy life and enjoy it responsibly. People may not agree totally that is is "right" but what is right? I do not hurt anyone and strive to make my life and others better through different things than what it socially accepted. You are entitled to think what you want of course, but I also want to show what the real life of Brandon Baker is like. If I want to hide it, I probably won't do it. Plus, I know people wonder what REALLY goes on, this is it honey. No sugar coating here. I know people my age go through some of the same stuff too and don;t want to ask anyone because they are worried about what people will think. I wish I knew someone who went through the same things I did when I was younger.
Deep thought: Facades (sp?) get torn down, history is always there.
So here I sit once again feeling like I want to say so much and my mouth is full of Funyuns. I think I said enough for today. I'll have bad breath anyway.
Later gator!
Brandon
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